[cerpen] I Love You, I Cry For You, and You Give Me Someone Better

Only God and my self know how much I love her. The blistering thunder in my heart is heard like a tornado, and I’ve been kept it for a long time.

She is the girl that I don’t have faith to look at their face. I have some beautiful female friends, but I always take them not special, so I usually look at people face when I talk or when I meet. But I don’t want to look at her face too long, to calm my self and to press the temptation. More over, I had work with her in one organization during study at campus, so I know how great she is.

The feeling is still burn inside, though it had been one and a half year I’ve graduate.

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It just an ordinary weekend day in my life, after finish teaching kids at near home mosque after ashar pray, my cell phone is beeping, tell me that there is a message that just arrive.

There are no stories or news that shocks me more than the news I’ve just read from my cell phone. It’s like a thunder that strikes me in a clear noon. With a half of doubt, I try to gather my self up.

“Please give me your pray and congratulate me in my wedding day on February 28, 2007 from 11.00 – 14.00 at Gedung Peternakan, Cilandak, Jakarta Selatan. The happy couple, Fitri and Heru”

I feel that this body is break apart, fall down to the earth, without any energy left.
I continue my day without a soul and spirit. Sleepless at night.

For all the times we had been spend
It leaves no scratch inside your heart
If only heart can cry it loud
You’ll mourn it out until your tears are drought.

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February 28, 2007.

Today, I’m preparing my self for an invitation, where in the same time, place and event, I also make an appointment with my classmates through mailing list, so as well fulfilling the invitation, we can also reunion.

I get my self closer to the happiest person in the venue, just like usual, she looks lovely. With a big smile and a cheerfulness look, I shake a man beside of her, “Barakallahu laka, barakallahu alaika, wajama’a baina kuma fi khairin ya akh”, “Syukron jazakumullah khairan katsiran akh, I hope you can catch me up soon” he reply with a smile. My heart still heavy, while I do my best to cover it up.

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One day, my cell phone beeping, the number that come in is unrecognized by my phone.

“Assalamualaikum” I said, “Wa’alaikum salam” he reply, “Is this brother Ipin”, “Yes, I’m ipin him self, is there anything that I can help you?”, I ask. “It’s me Heru, Fitri husband”, deng, my heart is beating, why that he call me, in what occasion that he call me.

“Oh akh Heru, what can I do for you brother?’ I ask carefully. “I would like to talk to you, but I can’t said it on the phone, can we met somewhere akh?” he replies. “Sure, where do you want to meet?”, “How about at Citos Starbuck Cafe tomorrow after office hours” he ask me. Café…, I ask my self, but because I had been doing a lot of meetings with client at informal places like that, I agree to me at Citos Starbuck Café.

“OK, we’ll meet there after Isya pray ya..”, I said, “Great” he said. “OK then, I’ll meet you tomorrow, assalamualaikum”, “Wassalamualaikum’ I close the call.

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I rush my self out of office after shalat magrib to the Citos, I don’t want to be late, that is my Principle, as a Muslim, I had to do my best to keep my words.

I wait for him at about twenty minute, enough for me to finish my hobby, surfing the net, blogging, and went to MyQuran portal using the café hot spot.

He came with a well dressed jilbaber, at first I thought it was Fitri, but she wasn’t her. The clock point at ten to seven.

“Assalamualaikum, sorry to keep you waiting akh Ipin”, “Wa’alaikum salam akh, no its OK, it just me that came to early”, I sake his hand, “Please take a seat” I said, this is my favorite spot if I went to Citos starbuck, cozy, private, and not much people walking around, good for writings.

Both of them are sitting in front of me. Akh Heru is still using his working dress, he is an engineer at Tripatra, oil and gas construction engineering company, his office is near from my office, while the girl next to him is wearing a black long dress and a white beautiful jilbab.

“Oh ya, I would like you to meet my sister, Nisa”, she smile to me and shake her head. “I’m Ipin”, I said, “Yes, I know, Fitri had told me a lot about you”, she reply with smile. What a beautiful smile my heart whisper, I try to distract my eye off of her and look to akh Heru.

“She is just graduate from LIPIA”, akh heru breaks the silent. “The best graduation student of her class”, he added follow by looking to his blushing sister. Oh, a smart girl, my type of dream wife, I said in my heart. “Wow, that’s great”, I comment, she just smile.

“Oh ya, what did you want to drink?”, I said to them, “I would like a cappuccino, how about you nisa?”, he looks to her sister, “Same with you” she said, “OK wait in here, I’ll order it for both of you” I went up and go.

In my mind, I still wonder what did he want to talk to me that it can be said by phone.

I brought two cappuccino to the desk we’ve sat, “Anyway, what is so important that you want to say, so it can be said by phone?”, I ask as I pass the cappuccino. Their face is change, serious mode is on.

Akh Heru drink his cappuccino a little bit, “At first, I would like to ask you, I’m sorry if this is a private question, but the question that you ask to me will be related to your answer, are you on a ta’aruf with someone right now”. He said. “Well, I’m trying to know your sister right now, so does it mean that I’m on a taaruf with your sister?” I answer his question with a little joke. “No, not this kind of ta’aruf, but ta’aruf with someone to be your wife” he reply with serious.

Actually I was so shame that akh Heru ask me that question in front of a girl, but I shouldn’t called Ipin, if I haven’t had an over self confident.

“Not yet for momentarily”, I answer with a full confidence, “So…” akh heru stop his dialogue as her sister grab his hand. “Would you marry me?” his sister cut.

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For this couple of days, I always woke up at a third of night to pray, istighara pray. I still remember the conversation with akh Heru and his sister Nisa whom propose me to be her husband.

Sometime I laugh my self as I remember my silly face as I react to her question. “do you surprise with my question?” she said, “did I ask you for a sinful act? In prophet era, there is also a girl offering her self as the prophet wife. I’m sure that you also understand this more” she said. Tough I not going to an Islamic school, I also learn much and not less that those people whom go to a pesantren, so I know what she said.

Luckily akh Heru can understand my confusion and said “I understand that this decision can not be made in a rush, this is a heavy decision as Quran said so. so I will leave you with a week of consideration time, while at the mean time you can do istighara and study my sister profile”, he said that and give me a pack of files.

“What makes you think that I can be a good husband for you?” I ask curiously, “Ukh Fitri had given me enough reason and so does akh Pohan, your closest friend” she said, “There is no consideration that makes me feel that you can be the right option except for your factual contributions for this ummah, your character, and your faith to Allah” she added with a full confidance

What a hard night, as I recall it now.

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I pray to Allah for His guide, while He knows all and the most wisdom.

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My heart is come with a unanimous decision, I call a number written in a file, “Assalamualaikum ukhti, so when did I can meet your parent to propose you with my parent?, I ask confidently, “Alhamdulillah” she said. “May Allah pour His bless upon us”.

(May 9, 2007, Syamsul Arifin)